So is forgiveness.
Anniversaries can be happy or sad - and if trauma is involved, then they can be tricky.
For so many of us who were hurt decades ago by someone we deeply loved or cared about, anniversaries can be bitter sweet. As someone who works with healing of the inner child and healing of the soul/inner spirit, it is something I encounter often with clients. There is a deep grief carried within.
For example, if the love of your life turned out to be a damaged person, neither could connect because there wasn't an understanding of trauma and its ramifications then, like there is now. Today there is more help available now in all kinds of ways - via practitioners, self help books, articles, blogs, videos, courses and so on. However none of that existed a couple of decades ago. And like often attracts like, meaning that often two damaged people come together and the relationship cannot work.
So many people are carrying deep hurt within because of what they didn't receive. They didn't receive compassion, kindness or understanding. And this is something they grieve - it is a very deep grief carried deep within the heart. And unfortunately, the inner child echoes those deep hurts and grief because they never received the healing, or tools to help them heal, or to find forgiveness.
I, myself, have been on a massive journey of my own for over 10 years. As someone who works with healing the inner child, I understand what it is to strive to live in a state of compassion and love when life doesn't appear to respond in kind. I also understand the deep hurts that we can experience from loving someone who cannot love us back. Living in a state of forgiveness is a spiritual practice - and I am not talking about religion. Forgiveness is about forgiving yourself before anyone else. Compassion comes with understanding.
Important: Forgiveness does not mean that you remain in an abusive relationship. Forgiveness is primarily for yourself.
A person who talks about forgiveness a lot is Dr Edith Eger. She was born in Hungary, and was just 16 years old when she was sent to Auschwitz, but what she saw there remained a secret for many years. Now an internationally renowned psychologist, Edith has devoted her life to helping heal people’s traumas.
I personally have been fortunate to have interactions and learn from her teaching through live workshops. Dr Edie is an inspiration even at almost 96 years (as of 2024). I read her first book The Choice at the beginning of Covid lockdowns. Her second book is The Gift.
For all of those whose anniversaries are bitter sweet - my heartfelt prayer is that you nurture the child within you - provide the love, understanding and forgiveness for yourself that you need - and allow that to outwork in miraculous ways. To live in a state of forgiveness, love and compassion is day by day. Be gentle with yourself. May you find healing within your soul/spirit.
Words Karen Curran
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