Events such as Mother's Day can be very difficult or challenging for so many ...
Sadly, some children have lost a parent through death. Others because their parent/s had so many problems in their lives that they could not keep their children safe nor provide basic nourishment and care for their children. Others have lost contact with parents or grandparents through estrangement or divorce or separation. And adult parents and grandparents may have estranged children or grandchildren. There is a very deep grief in all of these.
In my own late grandmother Iris (the flowers here are Irises) and grandfather’s families, there were 22 children in one family (not all at once, and some died early) - 8 were adopted or fostered because their parents either died, surrendered the children or deserted them. This was during years of famine, world war, and starvation and lack of work.
My maternal great grandmother was a midwife, and so she and her husband took in the children that no-one wanted.
Over the years I have had the privilege of working with some children who are in a loving second family for many reasons. I have encouraged them to make a simple family tree and realise that they get to choose all the best bits of both families.
And to be able to recognise, with a sense of compassion and wonder, that they are here in this world because their mother gave birth to them. And that it is ok to have big feelings about their situation and to be able to express their thoughts and feelings safely. And that it is ok to honour their additional mothers or fathers who now provide them with a happy and secure life despite the heartbreak and turmoil within.
Heartbreak and grief is a familiar big feeling for all sides in these situations.
An EXERCISE I have used is to draw a simple family tree that includes everyone in their lives that are important to them. Including animals if a child wishes. This exercise is suitable for both adult and child. (Download PDF linked to image)
“I am free to be me”.
Write names, (or draw pictures), of those you love or wish to remember in circles or shapes.
They can be large or small - whatever is right for you. Draw a line linking them to your heart if you wish. The line can be straight or wriggly. Write what you feel. Decorate your page. Remember, there is only one of you. You are unique.
For each person, it is what they feel on the INSIDE that matters the most and their right to grow safely to be the best of themselves, and to live a kind and purposeful life with compassion.
We all need permission to be free to be the best of us. ‘Free to be me’.’ 'Peace begins with me.’ 'You are so much more than you imagine.’
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